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Cut and paste to your email, to break the tension!


There is now a standard reply form for FLAMING (listed under the government's
e-mail paperwork reduction act). It is appended below.


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Dear:

[ ] sir [ ] clueless one [ ] twit [ ] great man on campus
[ ] madam [ ] dweeb [ ] twerp [ ] comrade
[ ] Elvis [ ] moon beam [ ] boor [ ] Babe
[ ] Geek [ ] Boob [ ] Communist
[ ] Republican [ ] Democrat [ ] Liberal [ ] Conservative
[ ] Other ( )

You are being gently flamed because.

--------------------
GENERAL
--------------------
[ ] you SCREAMED! (used all caps)
[ ] you posted the inanely stupid 'Make Money Fast' article
[ ] you posted the inanely stupid '$250 Cookie Recipe article
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid magic weight-loss article
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid cheap s**t at high prices article
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid 'Fix Your Credit' article
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid "Good Time Virus" warning.
[ ] you repeatedly have shown lack of humor
[ ] you have a SIG with more than 4 lines of ASCII graphics
[ ] you assumed that AOL/CIS/Prodigy founded the Internet
[ ] you assumed that the Internet is a U.S. only phenomenon
[ ] Repeatedly requested info on where to find XXX stuff.
[ ] Repeatedly harassed people with androgynous names like Chris, Jamie,
or Rajhatmalhaban, with "Are you a girl?" or "M/F?" questions.

--------------------
FOR LISTERVS (Open discussion Groups)
--------------------
[ ] you sent a please remove me from the list message to the
list rather than the list-sever
[ ] you continued a boring useless stupid thread
[ ] you repeatedly posted to the same thread that you just posted to
[ ] you repeatedly initiated incoherent, flaky, and mindless threads
[ ] you posted a piece riddled with profanities
[ ] you advocated Net censorship
[ ] you repeatedly assumed unwarranted moral or intellectual superiority
[ ] you are under the misapprehension that this group is your preserve
[ ] you are apparently under compulsion to post to every thread
[ ] you are posting an anonymous attack
[ ] you responded to an obvious troll
[ ] you posted an obvious troll
[ ] you neglected to do research on the chosen subject
[ ] you asked a question that was covered in the available FAQ
[ ] you redundantly covered the same point over and over
[ ] you crossposted excessively
[ ] you used long lines, i.e. you didn't break up your lines after
60-70 characters, thereby making it hard to quote your post.
[ ] You posted a request to send business/get well cards to a little boy
with cancer who is trying to break the Guinness book record.
[ ] Over 90% of your post was quoted from a previous post.
[ ] Over 90% of your post was quoted from a previous post and your
addition was "I agree" or "Me too."
[ ] Barged into a quiet little newsgroup/IRC channel/MUD/whatever and

started stinking up the place just because you read an article about
the newsgroup/IRC channel/MUD/whatever in some magazine or had seen
it on TV etc....

[ ] you discussed the following in a non-nutcase newsgroup:
[ ] hollow earth theory [ ] alien President theory
[ ] orbital mind control frisbees [ ] faith healing
[ ] government weather control [ ] Russian psychics
[ ] Squeaky Fromme [ ] the nation of France
[ ] robot spy bees [ ] sexually promiscuous space
aliens
[ ] "Manos, the Hands of Fate" [ ] Beavis & Butthead anything
[ ] flat earth theory [ ] government conspiracy theory
[ ] the veracity of any X-Files plot (see all of the above)
[ ] Other:

[ ] you considered the following to be reliable reference sources:
[ ] Golden Books' "Exploring Science", printed 1955
[ ] Any program covered by Talk Soup or [ ] SNL News
[ ] Oliver Stone [ ] Hard Copy [ ] Inside Edition
[ ] The National Enquirer [ ] The Sun [ ] NY Post
[ ] The Union Leader [ ] Pravda [ ] OMNI Magazine
[ ] Company Marketing Hype [ ] Microsoft [ ] Give-away psychiatric
journals
[ ] An unidentified, but obviously stupid, person or publication
[ ] Other:

In the future, you may wish to:

[ ] not delete the "welcome to the list" message you received when you joined
[ ] allow boring and useless threads to die
[ ] remember that not all newsreaders are threaded
[ ] recall that there are academic and commercial users on the net
[ ] remember that the Internet is multinational
[ ] consider that others may know more about certain subjects than you
[ ] exercise some humility
[ ] be careful of where you are crossposting to
[ ] 'lurk' without posting for a few days to learn the forum of a group
[ ] get used to being mocked
[ ] stop volunteering for Armed Forces pharmaceutical experiments

I would like to suggest that, for the common good, you:

[ ] wait at least two hours before responding to another post
[ ] read the FAQ (frequently asked questions) list for the group
[ ] learn to use the 'kill' command to eliminate erroneous posts
[ ] post only to alt.dev.null
[ ] selectively respond to threads after reading all new messages in that
thread
[ ] voluntarily apologize in a brief post
[ ] no longer contribute to this newsgroup/mailing list
[ ] no longer contribute to any newsgroup/mailing list
[ ] no longer contribute to the gene pool
[ ] look into the possibility of medication for the above problems
[ ] familiarize yourself with the history of the Internet
[ ] Re-install what ever failed mental operating system you are currently
running on
[ ] familiarize yourself with the concept of:
[ ] patience [ ] tolerance [ ] caution
[ ] common courtesy [ ] succinctness
[ ] vocabulary [ ] higher brain functions
[ ] Other:


Please save this message and review it occasionally to determine
your progress toward being:


[ ] a useful member of Internet society
[ ] a less annoying member of Internet society
[ ] a human being
[ ] a fully-functional human being
[ ] a tolerable poster
[ ] integrated into humanity
[ ] re-integrated into the wild
[ ] Other:




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