Ray's "Our Funny English Language" Page

• Two words that are pronounced alike, but not necessarily spelled alike, are called homophones: "rain" and "reign," for instance, are homophones.
• Two words that are spelled the same way but (a) mean different things, (b) come from different roots, or (c) are pronounced differently, are called homographs. "Wind," for instance, can refer to air in motion or to the action of tightening a spring.
• And two words that are pronounced and spelled the same but mean different things are called homonyms.

Homographs (Same Spelling, Different Meanings) :

The bandage was wound around the wound.

The farm was used to produce produce.

The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They were too close to the door to close it.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

I couldn't bear to give my pet bear to a zoo!

My aunt hates hunting, so please hide that deer hide before she gets here dear.

I hired a fine lawyer to defend me, but he charged me more than the fine I would have had to pay.

Even in the bright light of day, the light plastic table looked identical to the heavy wooden one.

He could bow so low that his bow tie touched his knees.

I couldn't coax the coax into the hole.

When the system crashed mid-edit she raged madly at the console. No-one could console her.

Never desert in the desert!

He does something to do with the fertility of does.

She gazed, entranced, at the entrance to Notre Dame.

They spent the evening evening out the ends of each other's hair.

A lied is not a German song, he lied.

He moped about the loss of his moped.

Waiter! This minute steak is minute!

I've got number numbness: my brain gets number with every number.

Pussy pussy. A cat with a festering wound?

We ragged him mercilessly about his ragged clothes.

Did you record record sales?

Her good resumé helped her resume her career.

I saw the weirdest thing in town: a hand reaching up from a manhole wielding a threaded needle.
It's the first time I ever came upon a sewer in a sewer.

He never saw such a sow sow so much seed so soon in the season.

I used to think it was used for something else.

hear the wind wind through the narrow corridor.

You won't house me in that house!

He had not aged well. He looked an aged man.

What was Job's job in the Book of Job?

The Polish immigrant was to polish the silverware.

Although he did conduct the orchestra well, his conduct was obsurd!

Homophones (Pronounced the same, but different meanings and sometimes different spelling):

I hope the pharmacist brews up some good medicine to put on my bruise.

We planted a pair of pear trees in the yard.

Her knight in shining armor rides a horse that is as black as night.

I refuse to buy any book written by that author.

He had to aid his aide.

I'll walk her down the isle.

He used all his energy pushing the awl through the leather.

My aunt stepped on an ant.

Anchors aweigh, and away we sail.

Aye Captain, I have my eye on the vessel.

Don't bawl at the ball.

The band banned the drummer from performing solos.

Don't brake so hard that you break the vehicle.

The miser could smell the scent of a cent.

MY, but that Ram could butt!

He ate cereal while watching the serial.

You eat chili on a chilly day.

Close the deal on buying those clothes.

Will the board creak while floating down the creek?

I would buy that doe, but I haven't enough dough.

Why are you putting flour on that flower?

That phase of life didn't faze him.

Feet that large is quite a feat.

A bird caught a flu when it flew up the flue.

I am too tired to do any more homophones for at least two days.

Questionable Names:

There is no egg in eggplant

There is no ham in hamburger

Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England

French fries weren't invented in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Why do we park in a driveway, and drive on a Parkway?

Quicksand can work slowly.

Boxing rings are square.

A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

People recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

A house burns up as it burns down.

You fill in a form by filling it out.

Why is bra singular and panties plural?

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree
and eat candy out of your socks?

Some Oxymorons(Phrase with opposing meanings):

A Fine Mess
A little pregnant
A new classic
Absolutely unsure
Accidentally on Purpose
Act Naturally
Agree to disagree
All alone
All natural artificial flavor
Alltogether separate
Alone in a crowd
Almost candid
Anticipating the unanticipated
Apathetic interest
Arrogant humility
Astronomically small
Authentic reproduction
Awfully good
Awfully nice

Bad health
Bad luck
Baggy tights
Better than new
Beyond infinity
Bingeing on moderation
Bipartisan cooperation
Bird dog
Bitter Sweet
Boxing ring

Calculated Error
Calculated risk
Calculated spontaneity
Calm winds
Casual formality
Casual intimacy
Casual sex
Catfish
Center around
Certain risk
Chaotic organization
Cheerful pessimist
Civil disobedience
Civil War
Classic new homes
Classic rock & roll
Clear as mud
Clearly ambiguous
Climb down
Close distance
Cold fever
Cold hotdog
Cold sweat
Comedic tragedy
Common abnormality
Comparatively unique
Consistent discrepancies
Consistently inconsistent
Conspicuously absent
Constant change
Constructive ambiguity
Controlled chaos
Countless numbers
Cruel kindness

Dangerously safe
Definite maybe
Deliberate mistake
Devilish angel
Diminutive giants
Dimwit
Direct circumvention
Divided unity
Droning Silence

Enthusiastic indifference
Even odds
Exact estimate
Expected surprise
Explicit innuendo

Fairly Accurate
Firm maybe
Flood control
Found missing

Geniune imitation
Genuine-imitation leather
Going nowhere
Good junk
Great depression

Hasten slowly
Here and there
Horse fly
Hot chili
Hot water heater
House boat

Idly laborious
Impatient patient
Insane logic
Inside out
Intense apathy
Ironwood

Kosher ham

Ladies man
Least favorite
Less is more
Lesser evil
Lesser good
Limited lifetime guarantee
Limited Freedom
Linear curve
Liquid gas
Liquid metal
Literary illiterates
Long and short of it

Man child
Mandatory Option
Mandatory volunteerism
Medium Large Midnight sun
Minor crisis
Minor disaster
Minor miracle
Modern history
Modestly arrogant
Morbid humor
More perfect
More unique

Natural artifact
Negative Growth (economic recession)
New routine
New tradition
New used cars
Non-stop flight
Non-working mother
Normal deviation

One hundred percent plus
Once again
Only choice
Organized anarchy
Organized chaos
Original Copy
Original reproduction
Outer core

Paper tablecloth
Paper towel
Parallel connection
Park Drive
Partially Completed
Partially organized
Past prediction
Peace riot
Perfect screw-up
Permanent guest host
Permanent substitute Pious atheist
Planned spontaneity
Positively negative
Post Modern
Procrastinate now

Quickly Slowing Down

Real fantasy
Real phony
Reckless caution
Recorded live
Re-create
Rehearsed improvisation
Roaring silence
Rolling stop

Sad optimist
Safety hazard
Same difference
Sanitary landfill
Shyly pompous
Single copy
Specialize in everything
Specifically vague
Stand fast
Stationary Orbit
Steel wool
Still moving
Still wind
Suicide victim
Sun shade
Sweet and sour

Talking mime
Tame beast
Terribly enjoyable
Terribly good
Terribly nice
Terrific Head Ache
Tight slacks
To infinity and beyond
Tragic comedy
Transient stability
True fiction
Turkey ham
Twelve-ounce pound cake

Unknown knowledge
Unusual routine

Victimless crime

Wet Drywall
Whole hemisphere
Whole part
Whole piece
Wicked Good
Wickedly good
Working vacation