Who Controls Our Family History?
  By Darrell A. Martin, a native Vermonter in exile in Illinois

People often claim, usually falsely, that they have a right to control
information about themselves. There are many resources available online
that discuss this contentious issue, but even if it were established
exactly what the rules are, there is still one thorny problem left to
solve. If two people are involved in one relationship (siblings, parent-
child, or spouses/life partners), which of the two owns the information
if they do not agree?

In one of my maternal lines, this is far from hypothetical. A mother has
children A and B, plus others. I have published some information on the
mother and her children -- all of which is legally available to the
general public and decidedly bland -- on my website. However, both A and
B have contacted me and "strongly requested" changes.

A wants me to add more detail because she feels that my incomplete
information is misleading, and at the same time has provided information
on her own (adult) children who, I am led to believe, really want to see
it on my website.

B wants me to remove all information about "his family," including his
siblings, until his entire generation has passed on. He feels it
improper to say anything in public about living people, whether they
agree or not. He also fears that if he is left out, but the rest of his
siblings are reported, it will be misleading and possibly embarrassing
to explain.

Meanwhile, one of B's (adult) children has contacted me separately and
provided me with information about her father, herself, and her child
which she would really like to see on my website. She seems genuinely
puzzled and maybe even a little hurt that I have not included her
already.

I do not publish information on minor children without their parents'
consent; I do not publish information that is not already in the public
domain without the permission of the person who gave it to me; and I
certainly do not intentionally hurt anyone's feelings. But this sit-
uation does not look like it is going to resolve itself any time soon.

One book that is full of wisdom states two maxims that seem to apply:
"The truth shall set you free" and "Speak the truth in love." Both
obviously true, and seemingly simple -- but possibly contradictory. It's
figuring out how to put them both into practice at the same time that
can be hard.


Previously published in RootsWeb Review: 4 August 2004, Vol. 7, No. 31.





REPRINTS. Permission to reprint articles from RootsWeb Review is granted
unless specifically stated otherwise, provided: (1) the reprint is used
for non-commercial, educational purposes; and (2) the following notice
appears at the end of the article: Previously published in RootsWeb
Review: 4 August 2004, Vol. 7, No. 31.