This page last modified Friday, 17-May-2002 15:26:17 MDT
Bootheel of Missouri
Bootheel Tourism
Bulletin
(Read and Have A Good Laugh)
BOOTHEEL TOURISM PAMPHLET FOR 2002
Bootheel Tourism Bulletin
-
Attention Visitors:
- This list of "suggestions" will be handed to each
person as they enter the 'heel.
- 1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work
before breakfast than you'll
do all week at the gym. He doesn't need your respect, but
he sure as heck
deserves it.
- 2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow
you drive, you're going
to get dust on your BMW. I have a four-wheel drive because
I need it. Drive
it or get it out of the way.
- 3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were
nine years old.
Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
- 4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about
our women will get your
butt kicked...by our women.
- 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod.
Don't cry to us if a
catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for
that little
10-inch trout you fish for...bait.
- 6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
- 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of
mallards are making their final
approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have
it up to your ear
at the time.
- 8. High School Football is as important here as
the Lakers and the
Knicks...and a dang sight more fun to watch.
- 9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu.
Order steak.
Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick
off the two
pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea comes in
a glass with two
packets of sugar and a long spoon.
- 10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be
brown, wet, and served over
ice.
- 11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're
real impressed.
We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we drive
two weeks a year.
- 12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight
in town. We stop when
it's red. Heck, we may even stop when it's yellow.
- 13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive
trucks--because they want to.
So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute?
- 14. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too,--and 'deer
meat.. You really want sushi and
caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
- 15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get
over it.
Don't like it? Interstate 55 goes two ways...into the
'heel, and out of the
'heel.
- 16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer
season. It's a holiday
held close to the first of November. You can get breakfast
at the church.
- 17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's
called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
- 18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the
water hazards.
It spooks the fish.
Now, enjoy your visit and then go home.
You are the 1489
visitor to this site since
May 16, 2001
Don E. Wright
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