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ACTUAL EPITAPHS FROM GRAVESTONES AROUND THE WORLD
ON THE GRAVE OF EZEKIAL AIKLE IN EAST DALHOUSIE CEMETERY, NOVA SCOTIA:
IN A LONDON, ENGLAND CEMETERY:
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767
IN A RIBBESFORD, ENGLAND CEMETERY:
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.
PLAYING WITH NAMES IN A RUIDOSO, NEW MEXICO CEMETERY:
For not rising.
MEMORY OF AN ACCIDENT IN A UNIONTOWN, PENNSYLVANIA CEMETERY:
Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.
IN A SILVER CITY, NAVADA CEMETERY:
Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.
A WIDOW WROTE THIS EPITAPH IN A VERMONT CEMETERY:
Sacred to the memory of
my husband John Barnes
who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow, aged 23, has
many qualifications of a good wife, and
yearns to be comforted.
A LAWYER'S EPITAPH IN ENGLAND:
Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.
SOMEONE DETERMINED TO BE ANONYMOUS IN STOWE, VERMONT:
I was somebody.
Who, is no business
LESTER MOORE WAS A WELLS, FARGO CO. STATION AGENT FOR NACO, ARIZONA IN THE COWBOY DAYS OF THE 1880's.
HE'S BURIED IN THE BOOT HILL CEMETERY IN TOMBSTONE, ARIZONA:
Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les No More.
IN A GEORGIA CEMETERY:
"I told you I was sick!"
JOHN PENNY'S EPITAPH IN THE WINBORNE, ENGLAND CEMETERY:
Reader if cash thou art
In want of any
Dig 4 feet deep
And thou wilt find a Penny.
ON MARGARET DANIELS' GRAVE AT HOLLYWOOD CEMETERY IN RICHMOND, VIRGINIA:
She always said her feet were killing her
but nobody believed her.
IN A CEMETERY IN HARTSCOMBE, ENGLAND:
On the 22nd of June
- Jonathan Fiddle -
Went out of tune.
ANNA HOPEWELL'S GRAVE IN ENOSBURG FALLS, VERMONT HAS AN EPITAPH THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING FROM A THREE STOOGES MOVIE:
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
MORE FUN WITH NAMES WITH OWEN MOORE IN BATTERSEA, LONDON, ENGLAND:
Than he could pay.
SOMEONE IN WINSLOW, MAINE DIDN'T LIKE MR. WOOD:
In Memory of Beza Wood
Departed this life
Nov. 2, 1837
Aged 45 yrs.
Here lies one Wood
Enclosed in wood
The outer wood
Is very good:
We cannot praise
ON A GRAVE FROM THE 1880'S IN NANTUCKET, MASSACHUSETTS:
Under the sod and under the trees
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod:
Pease shelled out and went to God.
THE GRAVE OF ELLEN SHANNON IN GIRARD, PENNSYLVANIA IS ALMOST A CONSUMER TIP:
Who was fatally burned
March 21, 1870
by the explosion of a lamp
filled with "R.E. Danforth's
Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"
OOPS! HARRY EDSEL SMITH OF ALBANY, NEW YORK:
Born 1903--Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down. It was.
IN A THURMONT, MARYLAND CEMETERY:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.
IN A CEMETERY IN ENGLAND:
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I,
As I am now, so shall you be,
Remember this and follow me.
TO WHICH SOMEONE REPLIED BY WRITING ON THE TOMBSTONE:
To follow you I'll not consent,
Until I know which way you went.