Wisdom From Senior Citizens

 

1. I started with nothing. I still have most of it.

2. When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran?

3. I finally got my head together, now my body is fallingapart.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.

5. All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.

6. If all is not lost, where is it?

7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

8. If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

9. The first rule of holes: if you are in one, stop digging.

10. I tried to get a life once, but they told me they wereout of stock.

11. I went to school to become a wit, only got halfwaythough.

12. It was so different before everything changed.

13. Some days you're the dog, and some days you're thehydrant.

14. Nostalgia isn't what it use to be.

15. Old programmers never die. They just terminate andstay resident.

16. A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.

17. I wish the buck stopped here! I could use a few.

18. Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents inthe back seat cause kids.

19. It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's thesudden stop at the end.

20. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't beenanywhere.

21. Living on Earth is expensive, But it does include atrip around the sun.

22. The only time the world beats a path to your door isif you're in the bathroom.

23. If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have putthem on my knees.

24. Never knock on death's door, ring the bell and run(he hates that).

25. Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).

26. When you are finally holding all the cards, why doeseveryone else decide to play chess.

27. If you are living on the edge, make sure your wearingyour seatbelt.

28. There are two kinds of pedestrians. The quick and thedead.

29. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

30. A closed mouth gathers no feet.

31. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at whichone can die.

32. Its not hard to meet expenses; they are everywhere.

33. Jury: Twelve people who determine which client hasthe better attorney.

34. The only difference between a rut and a grave is thedepth.NT SIZE=+1>34. The only difference between a rut and a grave is thedepth.