Dorothy Boatz's Memories

IF YA ASK ME

by

Columnist Dorothy Boatz

I've made no secret of the fact that my family is strange,but I have neglected to mention the antics of the most colorful member -my son, Dave. I feel that it's time to share a few of the most notable episodesof his early childhood.

It was Dave who invited, welcomed and thrived on trouble.Disaster and calamity were just as much a part of him as the blue jeanshe wore. One the plus side of his nature was the engaging grin and giftof gab that came to his rescue on many a tense occasion when he managedto convince even his doubting mother that his actions were motivated bythe purest of intentions.

As a preschooler, Dave embarked on a carrot-selling career.Naturally he needed carrots for this money making project, so he removedas many as he could from our next-door neighbor's yard, then went aroundto her front door and sold them to her. This little caper resulted in profuseapologies on my part and a sermon, seat-warming and solitary confinementto his room - compliments of his father.

Undaunted by the untimely end to his carrot career, heenlisted the aid of his overactive brain to concoct another get-rich-quickscheme, I had spent an afternoon sorting, washing and cooking grapes forjelly. When all the jars were filled, labeled and sealed, I made the mistakeof leaving them unguarded while I made a hurried trip to the store. WhenI returned, the jelly, Dave and his little red wagon were missing. Whenhe reappeared, he proudly displayed the $1.80 he had made by selling myjelly to our neighbors for 10 cents a glass. This windfall also netted himthe customary early bedtime, a week's confinement to the yard - and no jellyon his toast.

It was Dave who was in charge of the record-player forthe school Christmas play. And it was Dave who substituted a "She'llbe Coming Around the Mountain" record for "Silent Night"during the most solemn part of Mary and Joseph's journey to Bethlehem whichresulted in a panic-stricken teacher, one very embarrassed mother, and theusual early bedtime-plus routine for the perpetrator.

It would take at least five more columns to do justiceto Dave's ingenuity, and I plan to elaborate on his talents at a later date.I hate to admit it, but just yesterday I fell hook, line and sinker forone of his famous "Gotcha" tactics - this is my way of gettingeven.

GOTCHA, DAVE!>

GOTCHA, DAVE!