Dorothy Boatz's Memories

IF YA ASK ME

By

Columnist Dorothy Boatz

When I wrote the first of a series of "Dave"articles, I had every intention of continuing the vendetta because I feelthat it is "pay-back-time" and I take a sadistic pleasure in gettingeven for all the worry wrinkles and gray hairs he gave me.

In a previous article I mentioned that infamous incidentwhen Dave filled his teacher's Jergens lotion bottle with Elmer's Glue,then innocently savored her horrified reaction when she swabbed her hands,face and arms with the glue in class. This particular episode came to lightmany years later when he was too big to spank, but it was just one moreincident in a long line of misdemeanors and we weren't even mildly surprised.

Who else but Dave would yell "FIRE, FIRE" fromour back porch just to see how quickly the neighbors would respond to anemergency? In our little waterless town, where no fire protection was available,the ensuing excitement was just what he hoped for. But he was rewarded -by a higher authority - in a less appealing way when the panic-strickenneighbors had dispersed.

And then there was the time when he read an assignmentin front of his third grade class, inappropriately ending it with a "Thatreminds me of a story," which he proceeded to tell to the delight ofhis classmates and the stern disapproval of the teacher.

Who else but Dave would send a Happy Birthday message tohis dad, written on a used paper napkin because, as he put it, "I can'tafford to buy a birthday card. Could you see your way clear to letting mehave a little money?"

There was the memorable incident involving some homemadewhiskey that he and his partner-in-crime manufactured and sold to an unsuspecting"patsy." I won't elaborate on that one because I'm still tryingto recover from it. If you are interested in learning the outcome of thatlittle business venture, I suggest you get the facts from Dave.

Dave wasn't all negative. He had some very positive qualitiesthat endeared him to many, especially the senior citizens in town for whomhe ran errands, shoveled snow, and mowed lawns. Unbelievable as it may seem,he amassed a fortune in friends and was most considerate of others, withthe exception of certain victims that he targeted for fun projects.

When he graduated from high school, to the relief of histeachers and one over-worked principal, even they commented on how dulllife would be without him.

Stay tuned! The best is yet to come in a future issue ofGoing Places. I can hardly wait to write it.aces. I can hardly wait to write it.