Dorothy Boatz's Memories

IF YA ASK ME

By

Columnist Dorothy Boatz

I'm not through with you yet, Dave, America's Most Unwantedhas made me an offer I can 't refuse. They want me to expose other incidentsin your checkered past - so here goes!

There was the time that an irate, shoeless teacher appearedat my door, demanding to know the whereabouts of my son, Dave. She claimedthat he had hidden her shoes while she was conducting play practice at theschool. To this day, Dave maintains his innocence in that particular caper.Why don't I believe him?

Then there was the time that Dave and his equally infamouscohort - I do not make it a practice to divulge actual names in my columnfor fear of reprisal, preferring instead to use initials such as K for Keithand F for Finney - thought it would be interesting to experience the sensationof being sprayed by a skunk. They invited a skunk to participate, whichhe did wholeheartedly. This resulted in an immediate burial of Dave's clothes.At the time, his dad must have been sorely tempted to keep the clothes andinter Dave! Had he given in to that impulse, all of Kittson County wouldhave considered it justifiable homicide.

I vividly recall another incident when I was coloring margarinein a plastic bag (that's the way we had to do it in those days) and Davewas being particularly obnoxious, doing his best to drive me over the edge.When he went too far, I hit him over the head with the margarine. Of course,it opened and spewed its contents all over the floor, ceiling, my face,hair, glasses, shoes, and everywhere on Dave - its intended target! He thoroughlyenjoyed my reaction when I viewed the mess I had to clean up. How fortunatefor him that I wasn't wielding a crowbar at the time.

Naturally, it was Dave who made faces in every Christmaspicture we had taken. Of course, it was Dave who livened things up by puttingfirecrackers in the Homecoming Bonfire - resulting in another visit froman irate teacher.

In later years - when he was older but not more mature- he had a checkup at a clinic and was asked to furnish a "specimen."Who else but Dave would fill a plastic gallon jug with water, add a fewdrops of yellow and red food coloring, and present it to an incredulouslab technician?

When his daughter, Katie, was born, he proudly sent outannouncements; however, in our's he listed the name as Zadine Octavia, knowingfull well that I would react violently to his choice of name. I called himimmediately and demanded to know why he would saddle a poor, defenselessinfant with a name like that. When I was through sputtering, he respondedwith "I was waiting for this call, Mom - you made my day!" I realizedI had been victimized again!

Who do you think inspired Bill Watterson to create the"Calvin & Hobbes" cartoon?he"Calvin & Hobbes" cartoon?