Chapter V
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[return to chapter IV]

CHAPTER V.

Prophetess Grows Jocose.

“I want to tell you a joke which I heard the other day that has come thundering down the ages of time and which is told about Theodore B. Wilcox when hew as cashier of Ladd & Tilton's Bank, somewhere in the 1880's. This will go to show you that people may forget their Bible lessons but they never fail to remember a joke.

“A Frenchman appeared at the depository at First and Stark Streets one day with a check for $750, payable to Jean Crapo. Mr. Wilcox told the Frenchman that he must be identified before he could draw the money. 'Identified, identified. I don't know what that means,' exclaimed the Frenchman. When it was explained to him he said, 'Oh, I comprenez,' and producing a photograph of himself from his side pocket, he triumphantly informed Mr. Wilcox that he thought this would be sufficient identification.”

“Yes,” I said, “I remember that story. It was told by Jerry Coldwell in the columns of the Oregonian, and it is hard to believe that people are smiling over the story 120 years later.”

“Another story is told of C. A. Malarkey,” continued the visitor, “and I will relate it.”

“Charley was visiting in San Francisco and put up at the Palace Hotel. A darkey had driven him around in his carriage viewing the city all one afternoon and as the dinner hour approached, the cab was about to be discharged, when Charley remembered that he needed some neckwear and told the driver to take him to a haberdasher. The darkey drove him around several blocks finally stopping to ask, 'Where did you say you wanted to go, boss?' 'I want to go to a haberdasher,' he replied, and the driver started off again.

“He drove around seven or eight blocks, then dismounted, and in an apologetical tone said, 'Look hyar, sah. Ise driven this hyar hack for 22 years and neber gib anyone away yet; you just tell me whare it is yer want to go, sah, and Ise de boy that can take yer there.'

“I understand that this anecdote was told the other night at one of the popular lodges under the head of 'good of the order',” and the old lady proceeded to look still further into her portmanteau for other items of interest.

“Tell me,” I asked, “what is the force and energy used in producing electricity? They must have found more power for there is so much of it used.”

“Oh, yes,” responded the old lady, “if you remember, there was a movement on foot away back in 1905 to harness the ocean's waves, but it was determined to be unfeasible. Later on it was demonstrated that the project was a simple one, and now the highway to the ocean is lined with poles carrying power developed by the ocean waves which gives an endless and inexhaustible supply and which is cheap and always reliable. This means of securing power is utilized the entire length of the Pacific Ocean, Atlantic Ocean and on all the Great Lakes, Chicago being the first city to try the experiment from the waters of Lake Michigan.

“This discovery has had the good effect of making it possible to properly conserve the nation's water supply and has created a new industry. Irrigation by means of huge air tanks filled with water and allowed to rain upon parched spots is the present method of irrigating and it works wondrously well.”

[proceed to chapter VI]