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Bill crossed over with
complete dignity and love
This week's column is going to take a different turn than the norm, and I
hope I don't offend anyone, but I have the need, and wan to talk about our son
Bill's passing.
He was diagnosed Nov. 14, 1986, his 25th birthday. Five years ago he was given
two years to live so he moved back to South Dakota. Last October he was given
three months. Throughout all of this time, he remained tall and
straight, always the optimist; the "great pretender," if you will. We knew his
time was running out, but he looked so good and kept his wonderful sense of
humor.
April 27th, he had emergency surgery for lymphatic cancer and that was the
beginning of the end. He averaged a 2-pounds-a day loss until his passing early
Saturday morning, June 28, 1997.
He had often talked to us about "what if" he became bedridden, which was his
greatest fear. God was good to him; He kept Bill ambulatory until his last 72
hours. One day he was up and about and the next, he was down. By this
time, the wonderful people from Mid-Dakota Community Hospice: Mark Olson, Linda
Bergland and Tracy Kistler, and Father James Pearson of Christ Episcopal Church
had become frequent visitors to our home.
I'm sharing this only because we have found ourselves telling the story over and
over and it seems as though the miracles we witnessed and the overpowering love
shared with Bill during that period is being diminished with
every telling ... almost becoming commonplace, and we don't want to lose the
experiences we shared with Bill by turning it into an event.
He was surrounded by family and was never left alone from start to finish. Even
little Taylor was always around, laying her head on his chest, kissing him and
telling him she loved him. She was so sad that he was sad. During his
last three hours, she repeated her little performance and he looked her right in
the eyes and told her he loved her, too. Oh how she squealed and clapped her
hands because Uncle Bill wasn't sad anymore. (Bill's eyes remained
open during the 36-hour process, but he saw very little. Occasionally, he would
focus on one of us, but seldom).
Early Friday morning, Bill began chanting in Lakota, which continued for three
or four minutes. After a few minutes of total silence, Bill's face lit up as
though a flashlight had been turned on inside his face and the smile as he saw
the Lord is one we will keep with us always. This chanting was repeated about an
hour later. I do not understand the significance of his singing in Lakota, but
he was studying Lakota at USD and had been the recipient of a Lakota
prayer circle at his home in Vermillion.
From that time on, Bill was rather peaceful, responding somewhat as he was
spoken to, but usually with a whispered word or with a head movement. At all
times, he knew we were all there with him and he made it as easy as he could on
us.
About an hour before he went to the other side, Nanette sat beside him and
hummed Amazing Grace to him. After repeating it a few times, he began to
respond with guttural sounds and slight head movements. The last time, he tried
his best to hum with her.
That 36 hours with Bill will stay with all of us forever. We are so thankful for
that time we had with him and that he did not have to lay around for weeks, even
months, nor did he have to suffer. There is no doubt in any of our minds
where he is today. We are truly blessed.
When Sindi and Morgan's school terms end in July we will have a graveside
service and celebrate his life the way he would want us to.
Since his passing we have heard a couple of derogatory remarks about Bill, which
is only human nature, but the thing about this is the fact that someone's loved
one has died. My God, what difference does it make what any person dies of? It
does not increase or decrease the pain of the loss. And the last I heard, the
Ten Commandments are still in effect and all and any sin is a sin, is a sin, is
a sin. Life styles aren't set in stone and only Jesus walked on water. God loves
us, everyone.
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