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Birthdays and the winter holidays are tough
07/08/2006
This has been such a
gloomy two weeks and I was having a hard time trying to figure out
where the feeling of gloom and doom was coming from. Then I realized Bill's
birthday was com-
ing up, which has now passed and some of the gloom has moved on, but now we have
the holidays.
Oh the holidays. Not much fun any more. Thank God for the little ones that
make us come alive when we see their joy, whether we feel like it or not. The
decorations and all that that implies are coming out Thanksgiving Day and I
think the Christmas village is going up. It's time to do that.
I have had so many people on my mind this past week. All of you who have
lost a child and
have that hole in your heart understand.
Years ago I sat at the library and extracted all of the genealogical data
from the newspapers from day one through July of 1906 as part of a statewide
genealogical project. I sat back in the conference room with the microfilm
reader and one by one got acquainted with the history of many of our early
settlers.It was interesting to note that no lady ever had a baby. It was always
"Mr." so and so had a new farmer (boy) at his place, maybe Mr. someone had a new
"editor" (boy) or a new housekeeper came to Mr. somebody's home. That, of
course, would be a girl.
The 13 year old daughter of one of the editors fell into a well and died.
Prior to that time, deaths of children were mentioned as someone losing their
infant or small child and maybe an occasional angel of death would visit a home
and take a child. When his 13 year old daughter died the editor wrote a long
heart-wrenching story about the loss of his child, how she would never grow to
be a beautiful young lady, the sorrow her leaving had caused. I just cried for
him. What a sad, sad time for him. After that, whenever he wrote of another
child passing away, his heart rather than his pen told the story.
I find this same thing happening with me. I just grieve when another child
dies. It seems the more time passes, the harder things get. I wonder about all
the others who have found themselves in the same boat. We are a sad lot in the
truest sense of the word. We go around with our little smiles and go through all
of the amenities expected of us. We all know who we are and having gone through
this I think we don't bring it up to each other for the same painful reason. But
we will be okay.
I had better stop! Bill would just gasp and say, "Well, good grief, what a
thing to say." He's probably right. He was on my mind so strongly Sunday night I
could not go to sleep no matter how I tried. I finally dozed off some time after
3 a.m. ... after he took my hand. That was the solace I needed.
They say it gets easier. I'm sure it will.
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