The Collegeport school board held a joint meeting with the faculty of that school, Thursday, Feb. 23 to discuss the school situation. The board announced there would be sufficient funds to complete a seven months term. The teachers, with admirable loyalty, offered to continue the school for another month in order that the year's work would be more nearly completed. County Superintendent Claire F. Pollard also attended this meeting.
The Matagorda County Tribune, Thursday, March 2, 1933
By Harry Austin Clapp
It makes no difference in the writing of this screed or perhaps screech, what S. O. S. means. It may mean "Save our Souls" of "Save our Ship" of "Soap or Salve" or it may "Slip or Slide." S. O. S. is generally sent out from those who are in peril and appeal from the perishing. That is what it means in this column. Save our Ship. For years we lived in seeming content, at the end of what has been called a railroad and a bog of mud, called a road. Since three years, we have been on the end of a "Nine foot sidewalk" and have chirped up and bubbled over with joy. It appears to me, that soon we will be at the end of the "nine foot sidewalk" only, for the gods in this case consist of the members of the Interstate Commerce Commission and they are not in favor of short branch lines and urge railroad systems to disengage from them, or in other words get clear of them, dissociate, detach.
We all know what happens to the fellow who hangs on the end. At last he falls. Into what? Into an abyss from which there is no rescue. With no railroad, we will be hanging on the end of a short limb, and it is up to us to consider the situation and improve it if possible. The other day, talking to one of our wisenheimers, a fellow who knows all about the story, he condemned the men who started the colonization of the Magic Bottle. No use doing that for they are in no way to be blamed. They had their feet in the soil and looked to it for the fruition of their hopes, visions, aspirations. They did not stand on a high place from which they could view afar. They were looking to the soil. They were not able to vision the auto, the truck, the airplane, new methods of transportation, neither could they see the great economic changes that have come to not only this section, but the entire world. No sir, they are not in the least to be blamed.
We alone are the criminals, for we rested and felt secure and willing to roll along as the world rolled. We must send out our S. O. S. to Bay City, Matagorda, Palacios, the Hug the Cost Highway Association and the state highway commission. Saving our souls is a personal matter with our God and if we walk in His way He will save our souls. When it comes to saving our ship, we may not only appeal to God, but to other agencies. The sooner we do this, the sooner we shall find ourselves on a through route instead of being compelled to live at the end of the road.
Very few tourists will drive down to the end of the road to see us and therefore few will stop, but once on a through route, they will pass through and many will stop for pleasure or sport and some for business and then we may expect improvement in the present situation, or I might say predicament. Who among us will be the Moses to strike the living rock and bring forth the water we thirst for? If he is here, let him step forth, stretch out his hand and tell us the way. Let him send out the S. O. S. and let us rally about him and begin to be active in pushing to completion the short cut from Palacios across the bay to Freeport and Galveston.
After a week of hard work, friend wife, the same one I lived with for the last two weeks, succeeded in working the jig-saw puzzle. It is a scene from old Venice showing the canal with a gondola passing under a bridge. It is really a charming picture, but I am telling the world that the next time the miserable wretch starts on a jig-saw, I am advertising for a new friend wife.
Saturday night the Portsmouth Limited brought in a Zulu, from Beardstown, Ill., a car loaded with the household effects of Fred Ballhorst, who will take over the management of the townsite. This shows that business is sure picking up for the Missouri Pacific and I bet they are sorry now that they asked permission to abandon the branch.
I feel great relief, after reading the statement about Zangara, the man who tried his best to kill our president. At first, I thought he was just a common every day murderer, but I find that I'm wrong, for the directors state that he is a psychopathic personality. Of course, that makes me view the matter in a different light, but I am inclined to think he would be a fine fellow to stretch rope.
The Ballhorst caravan arrived Sunday night and stopped at Palacios because the viaduct was not open for traffic. It is one heluva fine mess, when eleven people travel fifteen hundred miles and when they arrive within three miles of their destination, find they must travel 32.6 miles farther just because the viaduct across a small stretch of water is not open. No wonder they looked across that water and said "zzbedamxxczyt."
At last they arrived, eleven in number, and are at rest in the home of Mrs. Lutie Ramsey. They are receiving plenty of advice, counsel, information, exhortation and information. This is usual with every new comer, especially when the prehensile proboscis of some of our more alert burghers smell the odor of money. We trust that this annoyance will soon cease and Fred Ballhorst will be allowed to promote his plans along his own ideas. It appears to me that he knows what he is here for and how to work out preliminary details. Thursday, accompanied by Chester A. Boren and George Harrison, he drove to the Valley to look over a citrus orchard he owns.
Old timers will remember the many pleasant trips taken on the good ship Dena H., and they will be glad to know that after many years of no pleasure boats sailing from this port, that we now have two fine craft. One is the Emily H. and the other the Billy H. Both are in service and proudly ride the boiling seas.
The executive boards of the Woman's Club and the Woman's Union met Thursday to discuss plans for the annual Washington Birthday banquet and decided that because of the inclement weather, it should be postponed this year. This action may be wise, but fails to keep up with tradition and I regret it. Had this been anticipated, the writer and Seth W. Corse would have met in the community house as they did once before and once more hold the torch.
When Fred Ballhorst occupied the Ramsey home, Mrs. Lutie was thrown out on the cold world and so gathering up her stock of groceries and other goods, she, much to our rapture and delectation, came over to stay with us and we are having a delightful visit, thank you ma'am.
Friday a strange car rolled into the yard and came to a stop in a bog hole made by Jim Hale and there it staid. From it appeared the face of Frances Mayfield, one time county health nurse. First visit in two years and we had a very happy twenty-four hours. Miss Mayfield is with the state board of health doing initiative work in various counties which have no nursing service. She stays four weeks, organizes a health committee, examines all school pupils and then on to another similar county. Four other women are in the same work.
No sooner had she left than along comes Mrs. Patricia Martyn, our present county nurse, with her son, Henry, loaded with delicacies in the form of canned prunes, pears, grapes, et cetera. Another happy joyous time and that closed the weekend.
There is a woman around these parts whose skin I [would] love to touch and some day I am going to be sly and make the touch. No sir, I will not disclose the name, for if I do so, some of you fellers will be trying to beat me to the touch.
The Boeker grocery has on hand eighty cases of cane syrup. Twelve cans to the case means nine hundred sixty cans. Enough syrup to sweeten all of us and God knows some of us need some sweet stuff, for we have been looking at the back pages of the book for so long a time that we have become sour.
Looks like moving day in Collegeport for Emil Sliva moved to the Travis house. Pruntys to the Pine house. Millers to the Fordham house. Ballhorst to the Ramsey house. Gussies and Vaughn to the Van Ness place and now Mrs. Lutie Ramsey leaves for Springfield. When she leaves, she wishes to send to Homecroft for boarding a red hen, the property of Chester A. Boren. Mrs. Ramsey has a bill against said hen in the sum of two dollars for four months board less a credit of three cents for eggs laid. The bill has been sent to Miss Margaret Gilmore, Springfield, Ill., for payment. Unless she sends a check, I am reluctant to undertake the boarding of this red hen with so heavy an obligation against her. In these perilous times, one must be careful in undertaking any responsibility that involves a heavy financial commitment.
During the last week, I have been told many times about our railroad situation. As a rule, I like what Ben Todd tells, but in this case, I don't think he knows any more about what the decision will be than I do and I don't know one damn thing, except that some day there will be a decision. I advise our folk to place little confidence in what Ben Todd tells the fellows who sit in front of a store and expound their ideas of solving international, national, state and county problems amuse me. Many of them are unable to solve the problem of paying the grocer and landlord, but the gods be praised, for one thing they can do. They can spit thirty feet and cover a nickel with a dark brown slime. I admire the feat and often wish I might do the same. Isn't life wonderful?
The Matagorda County Tribune, Thursday, March 2, 1933
Miss Dorothy Franzen gave the high school a heart party Friday
night. We had the best time playing "Hearts." Rosalie Nelson won the
boobie, while Raymond Hunt won the high score prize. The colors in
tallies were all red and white and the jello and angel cake that
followed the games of hearts were most delicious.
We were a little surprised to see Mrs. Dean Merck nee Dorothy Franzen for the first time around the high school crowd. Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Merck, although they are rather late. We hope you are as happy as you looked Friday night.
Miss Beryl Bell was a Bay City visitor.
Miss Violet Harris was a Collegeport visitor this weekend.
Mr. Frank King was in Bay City Saturday.
Hutchins King spent the week-end in Markham.
Mr. and Mrs. Johnson of El Campo, were Sunday visitors at the Adams' home.
Mrs. Tommie Williams who has been very ill passed away Friday night.
Singing was held as usual and the high school afterwards enjoyed a
heart party at the Franzen home.
Matagorda County Tribune, March 9, 1933
Mrs. Margaret Amanda Williams, wife of Mrs. T. A. Williams of
Collegeport, Texas, departed this life at 1:30 a.m., March 4, 1933
at the age of forty-nine years and four days. The remains were
brought to Matagorda and the funeral services conducted by Rev. J.
D. F. Houck the local pastor at the Methodist Church and concluded
at the grave. Burial took place in the Matagorda Cemetery Sunday
afternoon under the direction of A. A. Duffy and Company, funeral
By Harry Austin Clapp
[Local information taken from longer article.]
The other day we found, in an old cook book, a bill from Clark & Sterling dealers in staple and fancy groceries. It was dated December 10, 1910. How many of you old timers remember that firm located where Mrs. Crane is now operating. I evidently needed some cash, for the first item was cash .15; dozen apples, .30; pound butter .35; bunch celery .10; cabbage .10; for a total of one dollar. Twenty-two years ago now and butter at 20 cents and apples at 25 cents. It would be quite difficult to borrow fifteen cents from our present dealers and have it charged on a bill.
The Woman's Union met Thursday with Mrs. John Ackerman with a large attendance. A very fine program had been arranged and delightful refreshments were served by the hostess. In the absence of Mrs. Rena Wright, the secretary, Mrs. Burton D. Hurd was chosen secretary protem.
Friday was library day and the committee report that eighty-nine books were taken out. Certainly reflects credit on our book lovers.
Fred Ballhorst and C. A. Boren made a second trip the past week to the Valley. They are expected back Sunday. Mr. Ballhorst is having some difficulty in securing possession of this sixteen-acre citrus orchard.
Mr. Jerry Lashbrook recently arrived from Beardstown, Ill., with a bad case of asthma and much to his delight and rapture he has enjoyed much relief and has put three pounds of flesh on his frame. He is therefore sending north songs of praise for our climate and hopes that some of his friends will move down. This salty air sure gets into the little crevices in a fellow's breathing apparatus and once there, it drives out vicious microbes and heals tender tissue.
I wish Frances Eisel would return to her place on first base. She has been in Bay City for a week, the guest of her kin folks, and I am afraid that she will forget that down here there be some folk who have some interest and claims.
Eleven dollars was paid to Hugo Kundinger, treasurer, by public subscription to be used in our railroad hearing case. The transcript of testimony was received Wednesday from the official reporters 30 Vesey Street, New York City and the next day it was delivered to attorneys who represented us in the case. It consisted of one hundred and fifty-five pages and at 12 1/2 cents per page, cost us $19.77. An order was drawn on the treasurer of the Collegeport Industrial League and the bill paid. The attorneys in the case were allowed by Examiner Sullivan until March 25, 1933 for filing their brief and this will be done in time and then our case is complete and we will have to wait with patience until the jury comes in with the verdict.
Mrs. Thomas Williams, who has been ill for many months on a ranch south of town, passed away early Saturday morning. Funeral services and interment at Matagorda Sunday afternoon. Mrs. Williams was a patient sufferer as was observed by all who called on her. She was an aunt of Miss Vera Williams, one of our teachers.
I am informed that for some unknown reason, the engine room of the pleasure ship Emily H. was raided by a band of pirates from Houston who took from the hold the engine and loading it on a heavy truck, carried it away. Our people will now be obliged to use the Billy H. which, while not giving as good service as the Emily H., will serve. We trust that our law officers will apprehend the criminals and secure return of the missing machinery.
Diary of a Rube Samuel Peppys.
The person to whom I sent the bill of Mrs. Lutie Ramsey for boarding a red hen has replied with a note running one year for the sum of $1.97. The person states that because of the unusual situation she is not able to spend the cash. I regret this very much for I planned to use my portion of this obligation for making first payment on a Packard Autoe which is the official car of those fortunate enough to be on the Tribune staff. O, well, a day, it looks as if I must wait a year before buying my Packard unless Carey will buy it for me making payment in my scribbling.
The Matagorda County Tribune, Thursday, March 9, 1933
[Local information taken from longer article about boosting farm prices by using up surplus crops.]
The Collegeport Woman's Club sponsors two civic activities, viz: the Library and the Girl's Reserves. The report made to the meeting of the County Federation at Markham Saturday discloses the fact that since the last meeting of the federation, 270 names were registered in the library guest book, 688 books let out, 9 new books placed on the shelves and $1.05 in fines collected. It shows the club with a cash balance in the treasury of $15.34. The club acts as the council for the Girl's Reserves. If this latter organization has been of any civic value, I am not aware of the nature of the project. Its principle business appears to be the raising of money to pay over to the Houston Y. M. C. A.
Last week was a glorious week. During that period three important events fruited. First, Frances Eisel, who has been sojourning in foreign parts, returned to her home much to my delight, for I sure do like to hang around this delicious girl.
Second, I learn that Dorothy Franzen has made a deal with Dean Merck under the terms of which she becomes Mrs. Dean Merck. This stunt was pulled off without my permission and without holding a conference with me, but as it is done, I shall wish these worthy young people a long and happy life. I have watched them grow from babies and now I hope to see them grow babies. One fine thing is that I no longer wonder when. It happened on the 8th day of October, 1932 so I am informed.
Third, Elizabeth Eisel and the writer of Thoughts plan to take a trip around the world. Isn't that a wonderful plan? Just think of all the countries we shall visit. It will cost a small fortune, but what do we care for money when we all we have to do is to write checks for every one takes checks now a days. We may take Frances along as a chaperone.
Well Tuesday came to us my old fiend A. D. Jackson who is chief of the division of publications, Texas A & M. College and with him his wife and her brother, Reginald Creed. The two latter returned to Bryan Wednesday, but Doug will stay for three or four weeks, the first vacation in thirteen years of service. He arrived here with doctors rules and regulations and a barrel of remedy, but after eating one meal prepared by the miserable wretch, he has dispensed with the rules and regulations, knocked the bung out of the barrel and now only needs a pint flask. It certainly is wonderful what this air and water does to a feller provided he has a flask to fall back on. Since his arrival we have fed on flounder and oysters until we almost feel ashamed to meet either of them. Since Doug secured a spear and oyster knife, we feel sure of having fish and oysters frequently. I can already feel my goiter getting smaller and it is much easier to use my wooden leg. When I miss Doug and wish to find him, I hunt up a huddle of women and always find him in the center. Well, anyway, if he wants to act that way while his good wife is home tending the children, it is no business of mine, but I still hope when she comes back she will bring some cookies.
Saturday Mr. Jackson acted as chiffonier for a party of ladies consisting of Mesdames Holsworth, Liggett, the miserable wretch and Miss Roberta Liggett who were delegates to the meeting of the County Federation at Markham. Jackson is never so happy as when he is in the middle of a huddle of women so he had one swell time. Mrs. Rena Wright was also one of the Collegeport representatives. Mrs. Liggett read the report of the local club. They report a very enjoyable time, a swell luncheon and gave a splendid report of the manner in which the new federation president handled the business of the meeting. I knew Ruth would make a delivery for she always goes through when she undertakes any project. Our locals arrived home intact or perhaps I better say in autoes, but they arrived much to my delight for the woman who is fortunate enough to be my wife, was in the party and I am just fond enough of her that I have no desire to lose her. Hardly had my own bunch of Homecrofters arrived, before here comes a big autoe loaded with fine friends from the city twenty-five miles from the bay.
Claire F. Pollard for whom I have cast my two votes for several terms and hope to do so for several more terms provided the White Man's Union acts sane when they meet on Monday. Katherine Pollard whom I admire as a real writer. The only difference between Katherine and myself, is that she is a writer while I am a rotter.
Then there was, much to my joy, petite Cora B. Moore. I think petite is correct, but it makes no difference, for we belong to the same lodge and our dues are paid up. H. G. Williams, principal of the Bay City grammar school. I felt sorry for the poor cuss, a lone man trying to handle five wild women. I never could handle 'em in bunches, but take 'em one at a time and I always managed to have a very delirious time. Well after a rare repast, which most writers describe as delicious luncheon, the whole bunch went a wadin' in the bay trying to spear a few flounders with Doug's new sticker. Katherine Pollard was the only successful fisher for she brought back four fish which I judge were about the size of the ones Jesus used when he served lunch to five thousand people. Well, anyway, they were very fine fish, the largest being at least one inch long. Much to my regret, she took them with her so the Pollard family might have fish for their Sunday breakfast. I don't see how any fish small or large could keep away from Katherine. If I were a fish, I sure would beg her to put her string through my gills. Well to cut a long tale down, we had one glorious time with these fine friends and hope they will not forget that we live at the end of the "nine foot sidewalk" and that the name is on the knocker and the knocker on the door and the latter device swings in. If Emma Lee Lewis Carleton had been in the party, my personal felicity and ecstasy would have been complete for I sure love the gel. We, meaning I and the miserable wretch, hit our bundle of husks at one in the A. M. tired but happy, so ended a perfect week.
The senior class with the aid of their president, Frances King, chose their colors, flowers and motto. The colors are rose and white, the flower is a rose, and motto is "Dare to do right."
Miss Louise Walters honored Mrs. Dean Merck, nee Dorothy Franzen
Saturday afternoon, March 18 with a bridal shower.
The boys and girls have been practicing their athletic events for
The Collegeport Home Demonstration Club met at the house of Mrs. Frank King Thursday. By a unanimous vote, it was decided their club should function as it had been doing since it was organized by Mrs. Sides, the temporary home agent for this county for the last six months. The club still have the second Tuesday in each month for their regular meeting and shall meet in the homes in alphabetical order.
The first meeting will be in the John Ackerman home where Mrs. W. H. Boeker will give a cheese making demonstration and view Mrs. Ackerman's pantry with its 1528 cans of vegetables, pickles, fruits and meats.
It was voted to have a girls department with Mrs. Louise Walter as chairman, with the work following the same lines as 4-H Club work which we are unable to assume unless we have a permanent home demonstrator in the county.
The club voted to have a recreational night once a month at the community house. Mr. W. H. Boeker is chairman of this department and once each month there will be a program. The public is cordially invited to come and any one in the community or outside is asked to contribute to the program which will be given. There will be no charges and we hope it will be the means of bringing the people in the vicinity and county together and promote better fellowship. All members of other clubs in this county are urged to come and be with us and contribute to our program. The date will be announced later through this paper.
We are pleased and are glad of the Gulf Sulphur Company's recognition of the importance of the home demonstration club in the county. We extend to them a vote of thanks for the money allotted to our club for the pressure cooker and sealer. We understand each club in this county has been benefited by the Sulphur Company's generosity and some clubs are now using their sealers and cookers.
We hope all clubs seeing this article who have some numbers they would like to contribute to our program to write Mr. W. H. Boeker, chairman.
There will be no dues in the club, and the public is invited to our program. Anyone who would contribute music, readings or any other numbers will be gladly placed on our program.
The Matagorda County Tribune, Thursday, March 23, 2009
By Harry Austin Clapp
[Local information taken from longer article.]
The past week called for severe strain on my wooden leg. Some of the springs were rusted and caused me to walk with a stiff knee. In spite of this, the week started off with a bang.
Sunday came Mrs. George Harrison and two daughters and her brother Mr. Dickert who lives in San Luis Potosi, R. M. He plans to return to his home in a week or ten days and Mr. and Mrs. Harrison will accompany him. In the evening came Mrs. Patricia Martyn and son, Henry, for a little chaw on Homecroft fodder and a chit-chat.
Mr. Tay-Pay White, having heard of the fame of my guest Mr. A. D. Jackson, called to discuss school problems and to invite Mr. Jackson to address the local burghers Friday evening. As Doug is always grabbing an opportunity to talk, he at last yielded to Tay-Pay's importuning and with reluctance consented.
Some of the members of the White Man's Union appear to have been discreet, judicious, wise or perhaps wary, for when they met Monday the resolution that they were fussing over was withdrawn and in five minutes all other business was transacted and the meeting adjourned. All county officers now breathe freely once more. The proposed resolution sure gave them paralysis of the heart. Rest easy boys, and keep your hold on the teat and remember I am with you so long as you suck with gentleness.
The King's Daughters met Thursday with Mrs. Rena Wright who lives on Riverside Drive. Eleven of the girls were present. I staid at home for the reason that not one cared enough about me to give a bid. I always enjoy attending these meetings because it means that I have one swell feed. They are noted for good and palatable eats. Did not learn whether they had noodles or not but am sure the noodle maker was present. The King's Daughters have for their project the care of our cemetery.
Tuesday, thanks to the thoughtfulness of Thomas H. Lewis, we were guests of the Rotary-Lions luncheon at the Bay-Tex. The lunch was served in a beautiful manner and the food was of superlative quality and I, glutton that I am, enjoyed the food more than I did the program. In my opinion, when better luncheons are served, the Bay -Tex will serve them.
With Mrs. Highley at the piano, Mrs. Ward rendered several vocal solos of unusual musical quality. Thomas H. Lewis, in charge of the program, delivered a discourse on Navajo rugs which lead up to the introduction of Mrs. Ward. This talk proved that Thomas H. Lewis must at one time have been an Indian. The guest speaker of the day was Mr. A. D. Jackson of the A. & M. College. He talked most of the time about the accomplishments of the scientific nuts employed by the college to discover all sorts of bugs and vitamines. As he talked, I discovered that he also was considerable of a nut. My contact with the college causes me to believe that most all of those boys are nuts of the coco variety, hard boiled shells, quite a bit of meat and big gobs of succulent juice. Well, anyway, I reckon we are all just a bit nutty, the only difference between us horny handed sons of toil and the college nuts is that they are a bit more nutty.
It was a grand affair and we, meaning I and the miserable wretch, send notes of joy and thanks to Thomas H. Lewis for his thoughtfulness. A grand time.
Then two hours spent with our kin folk, the Holman tribe and an opportunity to see that gorgeous daughter, Louise. Then we were whisked away to the Pollard home where we were regaled on the tenderest steak I have enjoyed for many a moon and with it plenty of etcetera. In the evening, many callers made up a fine party in our honor and with songs and piano music, the evening was filled with pleasure. Because of the Pollard hospitality, I plan to cast my two votes in the right box at the next primary.
The presence of my old pal of many years, Mrs. Emma Lewis Carleton, my joy was complete. Wednesday to the home of Mrs. Patricia Martyn for a spaghetti supper and any person who has enjoyed one of those famous Martyn spaghetti suppers, knows what I mean when I describe it as the very acme of culinary art. Mrs. Patricia is not only a good nurse, but a real spaghetti artist.
Friday night attended the weekly sing-song at the community house with about 115 present. Until the arrival of Mrs. Liggett, Lera Hunt led the singing and she proved her ability as a song leader. At the close of the singing, Mr. White introduced Mr. A. D. Jackson who delivered a very interesting address on the A. & M. College and its various departments.
Saturday night came Mrs. Jackson and daughter, Ina and Reginald Creed and Fred Winter from Bryan. The two latter beat it down to Palacios point for a night's camping and arrived in time to enjoy the violent storm that struck this section about four a. m. Huddled in their car, they managed to keep dry for they had nothing to drink.
Ruth Boeker has added to her collection a houn' dog that weighs one pound and four ounces. A wonderful protection to Ruth.
Well, anyway, it will interest my readers to learn that all arrangements have been completed for the Round the World Trip. This column beginning in about a week will include letters from the trippers describing what they saw from day to day.
If you all know what hectic means, I will add that the past week has been a hectic one and by that I mean lots of tobacco sauce.
Busted my spectacles the other day. I was on one end of a thirty foot chain and a flirting cow on the other end. She traveled faster than I desired, hence I was dragged or drugged or dangled on the end of the chain with broken lenses. It is bad enough to have to use a wooden leg, but being blind is just a bit too sufficient. I am ordering two glass eyes and a new spring for the knee action of my wooden leg. Soon as I get my false teeth, I shall feel quite like a young pup once more and I was a frisky pup not so many years back. I wish my wooden leg to be in working order so that we, meaning I and the miserable wretch, may walk across the viaduct to service at St. John's Chapel.
Thursday, March 23, 1933
These Thoughts About What They Say are gathered from the four corners of the earth. Some are dead languages, some from living local gossips and some, believe it or not, are original.
That many people in this burg suffer from Anhedonia.
That Jim Lewis told a fellow “your face looks good, but we can’t put it in the cash drawer.”
That every one who tries to cash a check shall be considered intoxicated.
That every man thinks that when he dies there will be one more holy ghost.
That to know a woman’s age is not as important as knowing how long she has been that age.
That the happiest man is he who has the most delusions.
That sometimes people are killed by kindness but the mortality around these diggins’ is light.
That a man without a wife is about as useful as half a pair of shears.
That a fellow feeling is O. K., so long as he does not feel for ones pocket book.
That the waves on our beach say “Let us spray.”
That is a pleasure to shake some folk by the hand and others by the neck.
That it is better not to know so much, than to know so much that isn’t so.
That no woman ever found out she was pretty because other women told her so.
That Louie Walter will give up his crooked stem pipe.
That Ben Mowery really likes Granger Rough Cut.
That it is a fine thing to ask God for your daily bread, but don’t expect he will give you a bakery.
That an electric shot is a fine thing for killing people on the hot squat, but it don’t hold a candle to the coal oil can in fire kindling.
That the wisest owl some times hoots at the wrong time. Try this on your own piano.
That a man who has sober second thought had a headache just before.
That tears dry quickly.
That you should not harrow a woman’s feelings if you wish to cultivate her.
That if it is true that a receiver is as bad as the thief, what’s the use of appointing one for a busted bank?
That a beer trust is a good thing provided one gets trusted enough.
That nearly all farm products have declined in price except wild oats.
That you should never carry two watermelons under one arm or make love to two girls at the same time. Both dangerous propositions.
That fortune knocks once at every man’s door, but if he is away from home she never goes to a saloon to find him.
That Jim Lewis says it is easier to make loans than to collect them.
That some folk think the wonderful leaning tower is a Pisa nonsense.
That if you wish to improve a man’s morals it is necessary to watch him close.
That an affinity is one who knows where to scratch your back just where it itches.
That taxing cats would soon solve problems and balance the budget.
That is a wise man who knows himself, but he is wiser if he does not tell what he knows.
That there is not one word of truth in the gossip that has been passed about our burg the past week. He has not.
Dear Folks at Home:
Well we are on our way and here is the first letter just as we promised. We stopped at Little Rock, Hot Springs and St. Louis, but just for a short time for we must arrive in New York at least two days before our ship sails. In Springfield we are the guests of Dr. W. W. Van Wormer, at the Leland Hotel. He simply would not allow us to go any other place and so we have him for a protector and Mrs. Van Wormer as our chaperone. Margaret Gilmore is her assistant. Last night we went to the Orpheum and saw Richard Dix with Edna May Oliver and Wera Engels in the Great Jasper. It was a riot and greatly enjoyed. As a special for the evening we had the pleasure of seeing a picture of President Roosevelt in his office and heard his plea for confidence. His message was of great importance and realistic. In the afternoon we were invited to a reception in the library of the Y. M. C. A. in honor of Miss Elizabeth Burnham who has just returned from Santiago, Chili, where for three and a half years she has been general secretary for the Y. M. C. A. Miss Burnham gave a short talk on her work and experiences in Santiago. Mesdames Melin and Layman presided at the tea urns and were assisted by other members. Brilliant affair. Went to a showing of gorgeous furs in jackets and scarfs at the S. A. Barker Co. store but did not buy any of them for must buy only things we need on the trip. Our visit to the tomb of Abraham Lincoln filled us with awe. We were speechless. Words were unnecessary.
We have enjoyed a very happy time in this fine city thanks to Dr. and Mrs. Van Wormer and Margaret Gilmore. Almost forgot to mention that Mrs. Ramsey is here and we had a short visit with her. Next stop Chicago, where we expect to meet Nancy Clapp and her parents and visit the World Fair grounds.
Love to you all,
Saturday April 1 is April Fool’s Day but we must not all be fools on that day for it will be our business to select three members of our board of school trustees. We have many folk, who think they are capable of handling this work but we really have only a few that are, so the names of those who offer should be scrutinized, examined, investigated with care, before the little ticket is deposited. We cannot afford to have many dead sticks on the board. Have plenty now. We must give Mrs. King some live juice, something with resiliency. We must not ask or expect her to carry all the burden, so let us use sense when we go to the polls and elect trustees who have some live tissue above their necks.
Prices are advancing. Not long ago I bought a certain soap two for a nick. Today I pay three cents straight. One cent is a small sum but in this case it represents 20 per cent added. The other day, buying some ham, Vern Batchelder with an apologetic smile on his handsome phiz, informed me that it would cost me one cent per pound more. Not much but still eight per cent added. These rising prices remind me of the fellow who had one foot caught in the shell of a gigantic mussle. Helplessly he watched the rising tide. There was no escape. The tide reached his hips, shoulders, chin, mouth, nose. It came slowly but surely. Soon a bubble or two marked the place of tragedy. The water murmured and flowed as before. The rising tide of prices will come slowly but certainly and it will this time engulf the consumer who will emit yowls of anguish just as during the low tide which hit the producer caused him to howl murder. It matters little whether the tide is high or low it is sure to engulf a portion of our folk. It will be the same old tune in another key. How the consumer will enjoy fifty cent butter, forty cent bacon, ten cent potatoes, ten cent bread, ten cent cigars, fifteen cent R. J. R. Thank God that there is one rift in the clouds. Congress arranged for plenty of five cent beer. With plenty of good old suds we will forget high prices. I very much desire to live to the day where I may go to Collegeport’s Palatial Pharmacy and cold drink emporium and instead of buying beer yeast, purchase a tankard of foamy 3.2 per cent.
Our school kids journeyed to Bay City last week and entered in the athletic events and brought home several wonderful medals or what you will.
First in girls volley ball, first and third in baseball throw for accuracy, third for basketball for distance, first for girls’ relay race. All this for our girls in shorts which by the way disclose some beautiful legs. Then the girls without shorts and without showing legs won first in extempore speaking by Annette Johnson, second in essay writing by Leota Huff subject cooking when mother is away. In the boys events Pat Jenkins took first in pole vault, first in high jump and second in four-forty race. Third in high jump came to Hutchins King. All in class B schools. Pretty good for us I’ll say.
A Chicago paper is responsible for the tale that a cargo of 650 tons of steel from a Chicago steel mill was shipped to Memphis, Tenn., over the $150,000,000 scow way. This is the unkindest cut of all. Imagine how the railroads felt when they realized what good customers they have been to the steel mills. This was an unwarranted stab and is an illustration of how the poor railroads are getting it in the neck on every hand.
Well, anyway, we have just been through fifteen nights and sixteen days of joyous pleasure, by the presence of my old time friend A. D. Jackson and intermittent visits from members of his family. A. D. is a comfortable fellow to have around even if he does insist on having grug provided by Mrs. Jackson, the Lord bless her soul, is a wonderful cooky maker. When A. D. left Wednesday morning I said “Boy when you pass through the forest, be sure and blaze some trees with your axe, so you will be able to find the return trail.” We were glad when he came and were sorry when he left. A. D. is a good scout. I reckon the oysters, flounders and crabs are singing joyously for he sure created a disturbance in their families. He took his oyster knife with him, for he will need it to open some of the crabs he will find on the college campus. His flounder spear will be useful to penetrate the shell of some of the scientific nuts which abound in the same bailiwick.
W. H. Gussie has about seventy-five acres of the townsite plowed and will begin planting this week. Had it not been for this boy keeping at the job the entire townsite would still be in pasture and bay meadow. Soon corn, cotton and potatoes will be blooming where grass has grown for ages.
Writing about plowing makes me think that the costly water waves or permanents while not in any way improving a girl’s appearance does provide an effective disguise. Can’t imagine why any girl will resort to such destruction of the good looks God has given her. What is more beautiful than beautiful red bronze gold fluffy hair or gorgeous tawny flowing locks. Not a thing. Give me the natural girl with her sweet, modest manners, her bright eyes and her sweet legs. O, well, anyway, water waves have nothing to do with the coming of the waves of suds on the top of the approaching schooners.
I am informed that Mrs. Carl Boeker has thrown her hat in the political ring and hopes to be elected to our school board. Some say she will make a good trustee, some say she will be a trouble maker. Of one thing I feel sure and that is that she will stir the animals up and by shutting the door on their tails will cause them to yell something besides yes. If she will sell me two cakes of soap at the old price of two for a nick I believe I will cast my two votes for her.
Matagorda County Tribune, March 30, 1933?
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Mar. 14, 2009
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Apr. 4, 2009